California Irvine Mission

California Irvine Mission

Monday, May 4, 2015

The Fourth Missionary

Well, This week was probably the best week I've had in the mission. Maybe my whole life actually. I finally fixed a problem that has always bothered me, and my life is getting better and better since. So, the other day, Elder Wilson and I had a kind of mediocre day. It was pretty bad. Everything seemed to go wrong, and I don't think we taught any body and people were being pretty rude, and I was just not really feeling very good about it at all. SO, when we got back to the apartment, I was just digging around through one of my drawers and I found a bunch of old letters that you guys handed me right before I got onto the plane to fly to Mexico. I read them all on the plane, and some of you gave me some talks to read and stuff. 

Well, My Natalie, (my brothers wife) gave me a talk titled the Fourth missionary. I hadn't read it because its like 28 pages long, and I'm not much of a reader because I have the attention span of a lizard. But I really felt prompted to read it, and I'm so glad I did. No talk has ever hit me like that one did. There were a couple things that stood out to me. He said, "You cant be happy if you don't WANT to do the things that bring happiness, even if you do those very things." and that "You cant be spiritually changed against your will". For some reason, this had never occurred to me before. And I knew that's why I have been having such a hard time being happy. It finally hit me that unless I want to be doing these things (serving, teaching, contacting), I'm not going to be happy. And I've been so wrapped up in what I want to do (not serving, not teaching, and definitely not contacting). A goal of mine is to come home a much better person then when I left. I want Heavenly Father to know me as a man with integrity and trust me with a family someday. But I have been completely holding myself back from this change, because its a change that only comes through 100% consecration or dedication. 

As I read the talk, I was wondering where to start, and I thought, "Well, I better get my companion on board with this". haha So, I had him read the talk, and He loved it. From there, we sat down, decided all the things that we need to stop doing, and all the things that we need to give up to further concentrate (dedicate) ourselves. We completely re-organized our apartment. We have only been talking 100% Spanish between us, and we have changed our conversations to be more focused on Missionary things and less on things that we want to do after we get home. And What a difference.

In the talk, he mentions two things. One, he said, "Get your head right, and your heart will follow". That is so true. My desires have changed in this last week. I want to do The Lord's will, and have completely forgotten about what I used to want. My deepest desires are to participate in this work, because I know its the last time Heavenly Father is going to "labor in his vineyard". How blessed I am, to be born at this time, and to be here in this mission, with the wonderful Latino people. I love my mission now. 

Two, He said that, "The Lord will bless you immediately". He's not going to wait for you to be consecrated for a certain amount of time before he starts blessing you. Your effort is rewarded. He has poured out the blessing this past week. He literally opened the windows of heaven. Our area has been, what some people call, dead. For a while. This last week, we picked up 5 new investigators, and our one investigator that we did have, finally came to church, and is progressing better then I ever could have dreamed of. Of course, this kind of success ends with us humbly thanking the Lord for what he has done for us, and how he, once again, helped us get back on course. I don't know how to explain what happened, except for that it is a miracle. My whole perspective on missionary work, on the church, my testimony.... Everything has changed for the better. I know that I'm not done dedicating myself. I'm still so imperfect. In fact, its not about being perfect. It's about doing what He wants, not what we want. And to rely on Christ's grace every moment of the day.Like Elder Neil A. Maxwell said, "Consecration is thus both a principle and a process, and it is not tied to a single moment. Instead, it is freely given, drop by drop, until the cup of consecration brims and finally runs over." My goal is to, everyday, ask myself, In what ways am I shrinking or holding back? I want the Lord to help me become who he knows I can be, and He can't work with what He doesn't have. I have finally learned that Consecration is really, the only intelligent thing to do. Anything else, and we're just fighting, and we're going to be miserable. Thank you for everything you guys do for me. I am so grateful for the Gospel and for my mission. I love you! 

Con amor,

Elder Fuell

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